I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
