Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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