No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
