You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
