There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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