I heard we made out
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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