What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
