I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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