I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
