She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
