i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
