Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
