You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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