shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
