after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
