Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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