apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
