people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You smell like stripper and shame
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
