Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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