VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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