I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
