my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Farmville is her only friend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
