Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
