The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
