Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
