I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So many bounce houses so little time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
