I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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