I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
