Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
