In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
