We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
