this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
