Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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