Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
