no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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