I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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