you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
