just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
