i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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