positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
