I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
