Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
