just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
