found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
