he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
