And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
