oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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