My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
