i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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