Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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