Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
And then he peed in my hair
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