can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
