He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
