Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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