ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
