I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
