please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
