just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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