How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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